For Pride Month this year, I shall focus on raising awareness of what it means to be non-binary. I read a lot of articles that seem to conflate trans with non-binary and conflate non-binary identities with being agender while ignoring that being non-binary includes genderfluid identities as well. So here's what I feel are a few myths about non-binary identities I have come across this month. I shall start by outlining the basic sub-identities within the non-binary identity.
There are four main sub-identities within generically identifying as non-binary:
1.Those who have more than one gender (bigender; trigender; quadgender; and so on). This may or may not include their assigned gender identity.
2.Those who are genderfluid (polygender; pangender; multigender)
3.Those who are third gender or do not wish to label the gender the feel they have
4.Those who do not wish to have a gender at all (genderfree; gender neutral; agender)
Some non-binary people will always identify as their one, non-binary identity, such as third gender or agender. However, those who are many-gendered will often partially identify with their assigned gender. For instance, a bigender person could identify with their assigned female gender while also identifying as male. Or, a genderfluid person could have a base gender identity, such as their assigned female gender, making them partially cis, but unlike cis people, they are additionally genderfluid. This means they may be comfortable with various pronouns and wish to express their multigender identities through a myriad of gender expressions. And here I think we see an important but often overlooked difference between trans people (who consistently identify as the opposite sex to the one they were assigned) and non-binary people who can be non-binary in any of the four general ways listed above (there are many sub-identities within each of the four). On the gender scale, trans people are keeping within the binary system by needing to move from one of the two binary genders to the other (male to female or female to male). Whereas non-binary people live between the two binary genders, either by identifying outside of the male/female categories or by moving up and down the gender scale, identifying as and expressing various genders. Non-binary people need not experience so-called gender dysphoria, and many do not, unlike trans people. There is also a distinction to be drawn between gender identity and gender expressions, so these should not be conflated either!
Here are some ways in which I feel the variety of non-binary identities are ignored and misunderstood, mostly by oversimplifying non-binary to signify only third gender or agender identities and completely overlooking multigender people who often partially identify with their assigned gender.
Myth One: non-binary people never identify as male or female, boys or girls, they reject these gender identities altogether so don't belong in single-sex spaces
A recent article I read on St.Paul's Girls' School accidentally highlighted how people confuse non-binary identities and gender neutral language with somehow rejecting being assigned female at birth. Here's a link to the article I read:
https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/st-pauls-girls-school-binary-head-girl-b941501.html
I think it is great news that pupils at St Paul's Girls' School successfully amended their school's ethos and language to be gender identity inclusive and feel more welcoming for non-binary pupils by renaming the title 'Head girl' to 'Head of School' which is a more appropriate title anyway because by the time you are around 18 years old you don't want to be referred to as a 'girl' irrespectively. However, apparently, some teachers were outraged and claimed it somehow ruins the very notion of having a school for girls. They essentially argue that a school for girls should only include those who identify as girls/female. This is an incredibly uneducated response for people who are supposed to be educators! They are also attributing negative labels to non-binary people which are not only incorrect but could be harmful if people are led to believe it's true - wanting to fully or partially identify as non-binary has nothing to do with feeling "ashamed" or "not happy with being girls", as this article repeats. What utter nonsense these members of staff are perpetuating! And they should not be foisting their own biases onto pupils then claiming the school is trying to influence pupils' "out of being a girl"! That can't even happen - you are what you are, not because of some influence on you! And it wasn't even the school's idea - the senior pupils requested the title change themselves and for various reasons!
It's ironic that teachers expect pupils to learn from them, including via online lessons during Lockdown, but they themselves refuse to learn about non-binary identities from the webinar provided for them by the school which taught them about the approximately 150 non-binary identities and inclusivity. Indeed, the Evening Standard article above erroneously defines non-binary as only referring to people who are not "comfortable with being referred to as male or female". If you narrow non-binary down to just this, no wonder there are only 7 'out' non-binary pupils! This made me realise how commonplace the misconceptions about non-binary people are, especially those who are multigender and genderfluid! (Although I'm not sure where teachers expect gender neutral pupils to go to school since mixed schools are still designed around the binary notion of educating girls and boys, often setting different uniforms and activities according to pupils' assigned gender. 🤦) This aside, these teachers are forgetting that a pupil assigned female at birth could be, for instance, multigender and simultaneously or alternately identify as a girl, a boy, as well as various non-binary genders. Hence, this pupil could feel happy going to a girl's school and may use female pronouns but would prefer to have their multigender identity welcomed at school by not being 'boxed' into only hearing or using female pronouns at all times. So these teachers are not accomodating non-binary pupils who have more than one gender. They may appreciate being able to alternate between female pronouns and other pronouns so would prefer a general, gender neutral title.
Furthermore, people seem to forget that not all girls/women are 'girly girls'! As Kimberly Walsh explained recently after the birth of her third son, she has never been a girly girl. Yet to look at her, you'd never know it - she was given a very feminine image in the all-girl band, Girls Aloud. Kimberly is certainly not ashamed to be a woman but is perfectly happy being the only woman in her household! She is also happy being married to a man, and having three sons. Indeed she possibly prefers male company because she says she likes 'male energy' and male straightforwardness. So these St Paul's teachers appear to be stereotyping girls as only being the girly girl type of female, which makes me worry about their career advice, so-called subject guidance, pastoral care and references!
Myth Two: It is complicated knowing how to be inclusive of all non-binary people, since they all require gendered systems to be overhauled
As I have outlined above, although some non-binary people need to be able to change their name to a preferred gender neutral name or wish to use gender neutral pronouns (they; ze; etc.) and titles (Mx, etc.) and want to update their ID to X as opposed to F or M, this is not true for many non-binary people. So, providing rights and a welcoming atmosphere for all non-binary people does not amount to only providing these types of changes.
What I think is more often overlooked is simply being accepting, non-judgemental and non-discriminatory towards those non-binary people who are genderfluid and express their various gender identities simultaneously or alternately, for instance, through their manner or attire.
Myth Three: Non-binary people are just breaking it to us gently that they are actually trans (male to female or female to male)
No, non-binary people have a gender identity which is separate from trans people (male to female or female to male). I think part of the problem is that the term Trans is used as an umbrella term for both male to female and female to male trans people as well as non-binary people. So the term Trans ends up with the double function of referring to an umbrella term as well as specific trans identities.
Hence, I suggest it would be much less confusing for people, and therefore lead to less myths and conflations, if the term Trans was reserved for only those who wish to change their sex from the one they were assigned at birth to the opposite sex. And non-binary should be an overarching umbrella term for only non-binary identities, not under the umbrella term of trans at all.
Myth Four: All gender non-conforming people are non-binary or trans
No, they are not. A cis person can be gender non-conforming! For instance, a woman may identify with her assigned gender of female and merely feel constricted by gendered, sexist stereotypes that society and the patriarchy have constructed about what femaleness is and how to express it. Hence, she may wish to dress in ways which are not considered feminine yet fully identify as a woman. This can range from relatively feminine women who simply do not wish to present themselves in a typically feminine way all the time, to butch lesbians who may be gender non-conforming in their masculine attire and gender expressions but nevertheless fully identify as female when it comes to their gender identity.
So, this Pride 2021 year and beyond, let's raise awareness of the complex and various ways to be non-binary and celebrate it as an identity in its own right. And not accidentally erase non-binary people who are multigender (more than one gender; genderfluid) and can still partially identify with their assigned gender and express it amongst their other various gender identities!
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